With your holiday season activities you may have to be around people who get under your skin even when they mean well. Whether they want to talk politics when you don’t or they ask uncomfortable/inappropriate questions, here are some ways to survive the interactions without blowing up.
Tips for enjoying time with people who annoy you –
- Have topics ready. Think about things you want to talk about and have them ready if a tricky subject comes up.
- Accept the person as they are and don’t try to change them.
- Speak your mind but choose your battles.
- You can’t control what others do or say, only how you react.
- You aren’t responsible for someone else’s feelings. Be kind and authentic.
- Even if you get uncomfortable, nothing lasts forever. You will come to the end of the experience and be okay.
Remember all the things you enjoy about the person and try to connect on that level. When navigating these conversations, you can engage in conversational receptiveness and use the H.E.A.R. method created by Harvard Professor Julia Minson. See below for the explanation of the acronym and go here for the full article by Minson.
- H = Hedge your claims, even when you feel very certain about your beliefs. It signals a recognition that there are some cases or some people who might support your opponent’s perspective. Be open to what the other person has to say and listen.
- E = Emphasize agreement. Find some common ground even when you disagree on a particular topic. You don’t have to change your beliefs or compromise but you can find where you do align.
- A = Acknowledge the opposing perspective. Rather than jumping in to your own argument, devote a few seconds to restating the other person’s position to demonstrate that you did indeed hear and understand it.
- R = Reframing to the positive. Avoid negative and contradictory words, such as “no,” “won’t” or “do not.” At the same time, increase your use of positive words to change the tone of the conversation.
Cheers to a fun and low stress rest of the year. Excited for what 2024 has in store for all of us!